In 2015 I went from working as a Software Developer at Amazon to train as a consciousness development facilitator with the sacred brew ayahuasca in the Atlantic rainforest of Brazil.
I found this to be profound, like I feel a bit high haha. To me there is a luminous quality here, there are parts of me that are like “yes, this is so true/real”! Or “realer” than most things? I dunno what I’m trying to convey anymore, words are hard...basically this is neat, thank you.
Thank you for this post, it was very powerful! I would like to share something about me, maybe others can relate.
About a year ago, I started to feel some change in, or about, me. For a long time I have had a feeling that I am trapped in myself, with my tormenting thoughts. After some sort of mental breakdown I took a week off from my work. I turned to nature, and spend a lot of time in the woods, by a lake. The water, the rocks and the trees felt so safe and grounding, and it helped me see and, I think, start to connect with a more authentic self.
I started to feel better and thought I was on the right way - I felt a turn in my life. I began to read about personal growth and found a lot of help in yoga-philosophy. But later I started experience more anxiety and panic attacks, which was new for me, and I wonder if this process of questioning every ”truth" about myself, also builds up a lot of fear in me. It's like I want to change, but I know I have a lot of healing to do.
For a couple of weeks ago I went to the hospital for what turned out to be a panic attack. Shortly after I felt signs of a panic attack when sipping on a glass of wine, and after that I don’t want to drink any more. I have always been drinking at weekends, often too much, so this is a strange feeling… It’s a good thing, not wanting to use any drugs, but constantly being afraid of things is not very pleasant.
I also stopped using my SSRI last summer, also because I want to be authentic, they didn’t seem to help anyway. I had them for at least 10 years, so maybe this affects my feelings too.
With this I want to say that I am thankful for the opportunity to take part in "Empowering Yourself and Others". I am open for change, though it scares me. /Sofhie